Make 'em Laugh

The Power of Humor

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Mark Twain

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. Victor Borge

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pepple on the road. Henry Ward Beecher

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. Erma Bombeck

Make ‘em laugh! as Donald O’Connor reminded Gene Kelly in “Singin’ in the Rain” (take a moment to watch- old time excellence!)

We need humor more than ever these days. The grim stories bombard us constantly but people comics, critics, satirists keep us laughing. They’ll help us navigate these treacherous, mean and cruel times. Bullies don’t like humor. It exposes their ineptitude. They lose their control over the masses. Let’s laugh those bullies right out of office!

I always say I grew up in a family of vaudevillians. That’s a gross exaggeration. Kinda. We all learned the brilliance of timing from my father, Jack Benny, Bob Hope, Danny Kaye, and all the rest of them. The line is very important, but timing is everything!

FunnyPearls UK, (two women who met in a writing class, realized they were both devoted to humorosity, and founded a literary magazine devoted to a good laugh) have published several of my pieces. The story of Calliope Barcarolle and her desire to play the piano is the latest.

Pour yourself a cup of mirth and enjoy.

Calliope Barcarolle Wants a Piano

Calliope Barcarolle wanted a piano in the worst way. She begged and begged her parents to get her one. She said things like, I want to be a famous musician and play in an orchestra or, I like the sound of the piano, or Music Makes the World Go Round, but nothing happened. It was only when she said, Maybe I want a horse instead, that her parents finally gave in.

We’ll get a piano if you promise not to bang on it.

When the piano arrived, Calliope immediately began to bang on the keys. Don’t BANG on the piano, barked her mother, who was trying to learn how to knit online. But Calliope kept banging. She couldn’t help herself. Try playing one note at a time, dear, said father who was working on yet another poem about animals.

I can’t, Dad. Besides, these are chords. Chords are a bunch of notes together.

Yes, well, I think it’s the wrong bunch, darling. This went on for far too long. Finally, Calliope’s parents sat her down on her piano stool and said, We wish you could play like Veronica next door.

She has such a ladylike touch. If you can’t stop all that noise, we’re going to have to hire a piano teacher.

Calliope piped up, I don’t want a teacher! I just want to play, she chimed as she reached for some very low notes and very high notes at the same time.

When she started experimenting with mixing everything together and holding down the pedal which made it all sound kind of like clouds or a lava flow, her parents yelled, CAH-LYE-O-PEE! That’s a MESS! Her mother slipped several stitches in the tablecloth she was trying to knit. Her father couldn’t even think of a rhyme for ‘cat’. They put an ad in The Evening Gazette.

WANTED: Piano Teacher for young enthusiast. Start immediately.

On Tuesday, Mrs Schmerzen-Pinkies from the What-What School of Music arrived at 3pm sharp. To play the piano, Cally-ope, we must begin with proper technique, droned Mrs Schmerzen-Pinkies. You must sit up straight and play scales over and over – up and down and up and down, fingers curved, but not too curved, like so, and with just the right amount of pressure, like so. She placed her sausagey fingers on Calliope’s arm to demonstrate.

When Mrs Schmerzen-Pinkies finally left, Calliope said, Dad, I can’t bear playing up and down and up and down. Sometimes, I need to play round and round. And I like to play chords. And besides, Mrs. Schmerzen-Pinkies calls me Cally-ope and has sausagey fingers!

Calliope kept playing, sometimes using her elbow to run like a plough all the way from high to low – with the pedal down.

Maybe we should have gone with the horse, mumbled Mrs. Barcarolle, as she wondered whether she really liked to knit. Maybe I’ll write about a dog, griped Mr. Barcarolle

.

Next came Mr R Pernickety. He was dressed in a fancy suit with a small pocket for his pocket watch. He started in: The piano is a very difficult instrument. We must approach it scientifically, in a very orderly manner. I require a complete regimen of finger exercises on dry land before ever launching onto the piano keys. Slow and methodical.

After exactly thirty minutes, Mr. Pernickety pulled his watch out of its little pocket, looked at the time, packed up his briefcase and left, making certain to step on every brick of the front walk.

Mum, said Calliope, I don’t know what ‘methodical’ means, but it doesn’t sound good. I don’t want a piano teacher. I just want to play. And she sat down and played some Royal Underwater Volcano Music.

Mr. and Mrs. Barcarolle stopped what they were doing. Dear, if you don’t have a teacher, we’ll have to get rid of the piano.

Calliope harrumphed into the living room and made up a song about aliens invading the earth. I don’t WANT a teacher, she wailed in her best eerie alien voice, many octaves above middle C.

In a last-ditch effort, Mrs. Barcarolle answered this tiny ad on the back page of The Gazette:

TICKLE THE IVORIES: Learn to play in no time! Cheap. Call Miss Crabapple at 87-25-83-33

When the teacher arrived, Calliope was banging out some defiant chords, while waiting for her. She did NOT want to play scales over and over and she did NOT want to do finger exercises on dry land. And she did not like the sound of this next contestant.

Miss Crabapple arrived a few minutes late, swept into the room, saw Calliope playing with her knuckles and proclaimed, Music makes the world go round! Swingin’ chords. You can call me Felicity.

And so, Miss Felicity Crabapple taught Calliope a bunch of stuff she didn’t know about, like the boogie woogie, the blues and the mambo. And she threw in some scales and finger exercises while no one was looking. She also showed her how to use the left pedal, which makes everything sound softer.
Which made everybody very happy.

N.B. I have drawn many pictures and faces over the years - some for theater productions, some for childrens’ book illustrations and some from photos I grab when people aren’t looking. I insert these sketches on a whim - the randomness of the pairings creates a whole new story! I do not claim to really know what Mrs. Smerzen-Pinkies or Mr. Pernickety looked like.

Happy Friday…and remember, Make ‘em Laugh!! And if you enjoyed this, tell a friend. It’s more fun and I love hearing from you all!